I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
