Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
