Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
