I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
