well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
