Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
