Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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