I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it was like eating out sand paper
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
