She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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