yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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