the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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