So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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