Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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