I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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