he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Boobs are out for the taking
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
