Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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