i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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