Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
