I wish you could order shots online.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
