Can i not drive my cunt home
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
