Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
