Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
