Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
