We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
