bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
