Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
