I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
