I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
