They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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