Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
