I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
