3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize