i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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