This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
