Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
