everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
