wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
What a dumb baby whore.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
