Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
