well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
