I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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