at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
