My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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