I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
