went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
