Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
