Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
