Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
