actually, I'm a sock model
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
