I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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