If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
