You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So much rum. So many feels.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
