Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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