I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
