she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize