It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
